Crocker's Kitchen..
November 18, 2008
today-ness
I am recording my new song today at 6PM. kinda nervous. this one is a ballad. ballad's are more about the voice, which adds pressure.
on top of the fact it's about a recent breakup.
on top of the motherfucking fact that i'm smiling my face off. [not really, but it sounds cool to smile your face off]
um so yeah. recording at 6. getting lunch with Brandi and Regina soon.
i took some photos today. it was fun. felt sexy for the first time in a long time. i guess dieting brings out the Victoria Secret model in me.
peace, terrorist bitches.
-Crockpot
November 17, 2008
Who's my boyfriend?
Drumroll please..
He's one of the boys on my top friends.
Good luck trying to figure it out.
November 14, 2008
New song info..
My new song's instrumental/beat is done. Lyrics? Done.
We record this Tuesday. Excited? To say the LEAST!!!!
I am working with Ferras (look him up if you're not in-the-know) and Latisha Diamonds. Both incredible talents. We all three co-wrote the song.
What's it sound like? Not gonna tell ya!
What's it about? That I'll tell ya! It's about my ex boyfriend.
Hahaha.
Much more "me" this time around. Less Britney-sounding. More Crocker-sounding.
I actually sing in this one.
and that's all I'm gonna say.
Expect it in December.
Kisses, Cumshots, and cheers to new music!
-Crocker
November 11, 2008
Obsessed with fame?
People want to be famous more than they want to be happy. It's sad.
Quit trying to attach yourself to famous people. Quit worrying about who is more popular than who, and start worrying about your futures. It's easy to get caught up when you're young and to think it's all fun and FAME. It ain't all fun and fame.
Life is about much more than who can sell the most CD's. Life is about much more than who has the prettiest smile. Life is about much more than who gets the most Myspace comments.
Life is one big oppurtunity. You have the oppurtunity to be a leader or a follower. Are you going to sit around being an obsessed emo fag/fag-hag on Myspace all day, checking out "Internet Celebrities" Myspaces, or are you going to make yourself the internet celebrity?
Create your own worlds. Feel inspired. Be inspirational to others. Do what makes you happy.
QUIT. OBSESSING. OVER. FAME. START. OBSESSING. OVER. YOUR. FUTURE.
It's just sad.. people don't know what they're capable of. Somewhere out there a little girl is looking up at her TV screen, seeing her favorite artist performing on stage. That little girl can be the performer on stage one day, if she grows up to think of herself as an artist and not just a fan.
It's very important that people realize that they can be anything they want to be. Once upon a time, Britney, Justin, Madonna, hell, even Cher.. they were all little kids looking up at their TV screens in awe.. but they became the performer on the screen. How? Not by accident. They decided to be leaders. Not fans.
It's important that you understand what i mean by this. It's ok to be a fan of someone, but some people live through other people. Quit living through your favorite celebrity and be your own celebrity! Be someone that inspires you! Be inspiring to yourself! Make art. Fulfill your dreams.
Don't let your life pass you by, listening to CD's on repeat over and over. Get the fuck up and make your future happen NOW. Even if it just starts with taking silly pictures of yourself in your room. Do something that gets your creative juices flowing. I don't want you all wasting your youth. I want you all living up to your potential, becoming the rockstars that you are.
I mean.. imagine if Michael Jackson never just got up and danced. GET UP. DO WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO DO.
-CHRIS CROCKER
November 7, 2008
Gaps
I've silenced my self. I've quit listening to myself because I don't want to hear my thoughts. I don't want to hear my thoughts because they're about a guy who isn't worthy of me thinking about him. I have ignored my feelings because I feel like the man they are for, doesn't deserve me feeling them. It puts me in a bind because while I want to properly grieve over the relationship gone-wrong, I don't want to think about him.
Maybe he didn't matter.. Maybe he did.. Maybe what matters is that he won't.
Either way, I'm alone with my feelings. My feelings are my company. Do I like that? Do I resent it? I curl up with him in the back of my mind.
I miss how attentive he was to my every mood-change. I miss how we kissed like two magnets who couldn't pull away. I miss how we looked at each other, most of all. We looked at each other like we knew... I looked at him like I knew all my prayers had been answered. I felt us. I felt him. Did he feel me?
He says he loved me, but I don't believe it.
I keep thinking about how he would smile when he watched me eat. (I eat like a pig- most people are grossed out by it. It made him smile uncontrollably so.) I keep thinking about how we didn't have to talk. Everything we couldn't say with words, we said with our affection. Everything we couldn't say with English, we said with love.
But just as easy as it is to think of the sweet times, I can't forget the taxi ride to the airport. I can't forget how unwanted I felt, the minutes leading up to my taxi's arrival. I can't forget that he fucked someone days after I left in New York City, come to find out.. and not that I've been sex-free after Miami, but we both fucked up.
We either fucked up big time or we just mutually agreed love wasn't enough.
I can't drive myself crazy with conclusions. All that is left to do is move on. I can't complain or feel self-pity. I let myself get emotionally involved.
I just thank God it ended sooner than later, if it was meant to end.
There is no pretending to be happy and there are no tears.. there are just.. gaps.
Gaps in me, gaps in him.. gaps between us.
