After months during which my sister had behaved as if I don’t exist, our mother asked her why she’s doing this. Pam had phoned Ma, so she was quite able to talk, but refused to discuss this. I was there and, as you can imagine, I was hurt & also frustrated that my sister wouldn’t talk & wouldn’t even say why. So I sent this brief email to my nephew (he is staying at my sister’s apartment):

From: Christopher

To: Tony

Date: 05 May 2008 21:26

Subject: whats going on?

I want to know what you've done or said to make Pam hate me so much. There's been friction between me and my sister, and she might have been offended by comments in my emails, but that doesn't begin to explain how someone you've known all you life starts to behave as if you're dead. You've played some part in this and I want to know what.

Instead of replying to me, there was another phone call to Ma – at around 23:30. Remember, Ma was 90 years old & it was half an hour to midnight. I came into the room & saw Ma looking really upset. As I’d mailed Tony, and because it’s unheard of for Pam to call at that hour, and also because of how upset Ma looked, I assumed Tony had decided to call. So – rashly & foolishly – I grabbed the phone & started to shout, something like “Are you trying to kill her?”