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Business Blog

November 24, 2008

Does-not-exist-in-reality News

Broken banker continues to insist on the reliability of a burned-out bank

translation from http://davydov.blogspot.com/2008/11/blog-post_17.html

Alexei Semonin, the former owner SeverInvestBank, that declared bankrupt last week, convened a press conference «to stop rumors about the reliability of the bank».

«I know that you, journalists, like sensations. However, while not distort the facts. The facts are that SeverInvestBank is one of the most reliable and innovative banks in Russia. We go from the crisis stronger than entered it all the enemies of spite. So make yourself a note. »

After the journalists drew attention to the banker that the bank owed more than five billion rubles, the Central license was revoked, and all property seized, Semonin exploded.

«It is all black PR of unscrupulous competitors who are afraid of us and can not win in the market for fair competition. I do not deny the fact that everything you say takes place; however, it shows that you are not a specialist. Couldn't you call the slogan of our bank? Our slogan, incidentally, «Getting Rich Together». Getting Rich, not losing money. And together, it means that our investors also getting richer. What is the difference, even we cannot pay the debt if we have such a good slogan? Did you think? »

Then, financier hit with critics on the gullibility of people.

«Jornalists, I suggest you better start educating people. After all, our people are too dense. They believe if they ceased to repay deposits, if ATMs do not function, if the Bank property is arested, the bank has a problem. All of this leads to panic... and that panic is dangerous, not ATMs, which stopped issuing money. Why do not you write an article about our logo. Logo, among other things, is blue, a color that makes people calm. Explain to the Russians that if the bank has beautiful logo and slogan, the bank is reliable and it must bear the money. Why pay so much attention to secondary issues such as the inability to get their money back? »

Stood a small pause, Semonin decided to elaborate on the bank loan portfolios, which has led to bankruptcy.

«People criticized us for poor quality of our loan portfolio; asking idiotic qestions like how people with salaries of fifteen thousand, may pay a loan of three hundred thousand. Or why we have such a high percentage of not returning money back. All these questions are posed by people who have no skills of strategic planning.

Let me tell you briefly about the strategy of our bank. We give credit to drug addicts. They are buying cell phones on credit and do not return loans.o Our security services is well aware of this. In fact, they receive 50% of the amount as a rollback. This is not important. We pack these loans and sell them to investors. This is most important. As things now stand, our investors stopped buying our paper because none of our loans are not paid. But this is a temporary situation. Sooner or later, investors accustomed to it and begin anew to buy our paper. Therefore, fundamentally, our position is very strong because we have many practices, how to find drug addicts and insolvent borrowers, we know how to do it better than our competitors, and our competitors are concerned about this fact».

At the end of the press conference , the banker opened his laptop and showed reporters a PowerPoint presentation.

«Have a look at our mission - to become the most innovative and fast-developing Bank in the North-West Russia. Now see graphics. 2007 - 4 offices. 2008 - 400 branches. 2009 - 14000 offices. We are innovative. OUr customers do not stay in line to pay for their apartments and flats, but use online banking. Actually, they do not use online banking yet. But we are already working on technology to connect our users to online banking through television sets Rubin and Sokol. We just push our competitors. This must be emphasized, rather than on the fact that our office is closed, or that we withdrew the license. More importantly,  our financial statements were prepared by the McKinsey consultants ? You think about it when you write an article aoubt our bank. »

After thanking all the journalists for caming to a press conference, banker Semonin asked them to pay hundred rubles for a taxi and promised to meet again with officials «when the bank will open its fourteen thousandth office and all the skeptics will be ashamed». Publishing house "Supid Manager" will monitor bank developments.

 

 

Tags: Fun Bank News

Old items - whether savings book of 30th or signboard 50-th are infinitely pleasant. Not because they are old, but because for every those items a creator thought through about each detail.

What prevents our contemporary artists do their best, to think before posting, to see in front of them not amateu customers, but customers who are understanding and elegant? We can put all guilt on our upbringing.

In this no fault of parents, nurses, teachers and professors. The environment itself is guilty. That it brings up one of the most important human qualities - a sense of taste and ability to distinguish aesthetic from vulgar.

All those who created the style of the era of 20-30 -ies, received their knowledge and understanding of good labor is not in evening school. You can feel in each product - a revolutionary energy.

Graphic lightness 30th was replace the "imperial" images of 50th, but nobody can reproach 50th of the lack of relevance to the culture.

Ceilings with the height of 2 meters 50 centimeters was invented by Mr. Le Corbusier. His idea was based on the proportions. The key points were a chest, head, arm, so forth. His theoretical framework was to prove these proportions for the joy of human existence and perception. He was trying to prove that ceiling height as  of 2.50 is what people want to see over…

… But people always want to have ceilings no less than three metres high. I personally think that 6.5 meters will be teh best, as I had it once.

 
Every other penny spent pulled of a crime. That is why the 60th, we fairly quickly farewell with a good architecture, design and general approach to creativity due to the cost process.

We are escorted to ugly price tabs in stores, that are made by the cheap template. We do not see any new fonts, or qualitative books.

Three fonts and a template for any purpose led the young and capable people grew up with a sense of beauty atrophy.

Periodic attempts to create from this generation led to what we see around - "world through the eyes of pygmies".

A few people can see that there is a a beautiful world behind this gray wall and tehy can see how world can be imrpved. The rest will remain just painters over concrete.




Tags: Fun Design

August 14, 2008

Fun Design - Focus groups

Marketing is a main-streem religion that one should not touch today. Those who advocate "alternative" ways of problem solving, they say soflty. A those who dissenting soon will be "prosecuted" for inciting discord within corporations.
Tags: Fun Design

Ready to subscribe to every word in the following quotations. If the first semester of all design faculties would start training students from getting acquainted with these thoughts, we would have lived in a different world.

Tags: Fun Design

August 13, 2008

Designers and design

Designer can be easily paralysed by the question: " What would you do if your customer is smarter then you?"

The entire system of  designer values is kept his confidence that he is a creator, and that any idea that comes to his/her mind should not be even questioned. The vast majority of designers mistakenly believe that their profession is related to art. Furthermore, they believ that their creativity is valuable only because it came out of them.

The bottle - one of the ideal objects - has the form of a bottle, not because a designer suddenly begin to scratch his left leg, and he decided to make a narrow neck, but because the cork is made out of expensive material that need to economize.
Tags: Fun Design

Like if you need to create a sign that will remind drivers, travelling from the city that they need to put on the fastened and turn on headlights, then all ways to convey this information must be concise and understandable, because the perception of time on very little.

Not all people can read fast, especially when they drive fast. First, it is difficult reading from one set of capitalization. Secondly, greatly increased and uneven gaps confusing the eye. The third is bought up the distance between the lines turns text into gruel.

It is clear that this road only drivers take. Do not write something like "The driver!  To get to Los Angeles you have to drive 400 kilometres", simply write: "Los Angeles 400".

Finally, if the entire text consists of phrases that is a typical sign of bureaucratic thinking.

The moral: the message should always take into account the conditions of its receipt.

 


 

Tags: Fun Design
The text often looks disobedient and ugly only from what the designer does not use tricks neutralization. Some of these techniques require time, the other - simple attention. Today we'll talk about where and how to put punctuation in non-obvious situations.

Invisibility of difficult moments is  a good sign of typesetting.
Tags: Fun Design