Every now and then a film comes along that is so groundbreaking, so original, so damn fucking funny that you can't wait until it's release date...

THIS, my friends... Is not one of those films.

VIEW TRAILER:   HIRES

An American Carol tries to get laughs because it thinks their core audience is a bunch of brain-dead neanderthals... And you know what? They would be correct.

This film bashes you over the head with it's "IF YOU'RE A LIBERAL, YOU HATE THIS COUNTRY" kind of humor much like a schoolyard bully tries to prove his point by rubbing your face into the pavement.

At least there IS a message to this film. If you question your leaders, or want to speak freely, then you'd better expect my boot in your teeth. God Bless America.

Personally, if I want to see a political comedy I'll watch a Bush Administration Press Conference.

And aren't all these right wing oligarch's (sorry for the big words if you live in a Red State) loaded with tons of ca$h???... If so, then why does this movie look like it was filmed in my backyard using my handheld mini-dv camera? I've seen more production value on wedding videos.

My god, this film even has Bill O'Reilly in a cameo? Who thought that clown could act? I've seen better lines delivered by David Hasselhoff eating a hamburger off his kitchen floor.

Basically, if you find this trailer funny, and want to go see it then may I make a suggestion on a better way of spending your precious 2 hours?

1) Remove some of those rusted car parts from your front yard.

2) Learn to read.

3) Clean your loaded shotgun.

4) Count to 20 without using your toes. (sorry, forgot you only have 2 hours)

5) Take your sister out on a nice date.

6) Go buy Darwin's "Theory of Evolution" - then refer to #2

7) Put another "Support the Troops" bumper sticker on your truck, then go back to watching Fox News until you fall asleep on the couch.

8) Open your Bible and interpret it any way you see fit.

9) Send your brother a few packs of cigarettes so that he may use it as currency where he now resides.

10) Kick your wife, girfriend or dog.

The idea of watching this film appeals to me about as much as feeding a doberman dog biscuits off my genitals.

Now some may think this entire review may sound bitter, and I'd just like to say that after 8 years of this current Administration I believe I have earned that right, and if you believe otherwise then you don't Support the Troops, America, or our forefathers, and you deserve to get kicked squarely in any teeth you may have remaining.

YEEEEEE----HAWWW....I just watched the trailer for "Toby Keith's" new movie.

VIEW TRAILER     HIRES     LORES

This film is the perfect recipe for redneck stew:

Add a dash of bigass, gas guzzlin' trucks.

Sprinkle in some loud shotgun blasts and boot kicking violence.

For some added spice throw in some evil Mexicans. (It was gonna be that or members of Greenpeace).

... and of course... "CHEAP BEER"!!!...

YEEEEE-HAWWW.... AWAH-WHOOOOO....

As for the trailer, it opens up with the original line "When you mess with the law, you mess with Deputy Rack Rattlin"... Now I have a bit of advice for the filmmakers... lean closer... I want you to hear this... OMGZ, IT'S THE YEAR 2008 YOU STUPID SONSOFBITCHES!!!... 

As for the entire plot for the movie:

Deputy Rattlin's girl is back in town. He then arrests a mexican druglord. They kidnap his girl. He kicks their ass and gets her back. THAT'S ENTIRELY IT!... I guess they figured the brains of the beer guzzlin, rednecks who would watch this piece of crap might explode if they tried to comprehend anything more than that.

Now "Beer for my horses" is what you call a "good old boy" action/comedy flick.

As for action. There's gunfire. And there's explosions. Wow. Someone really invented the wheel on this special effects bonanza.

*note (to dumb rednecks) It's called sarcasm. S.A.R.C.A... oh nevermind.

As for the comedy? The scenes that were supposed to be funny actually made me weep for humanity. I seriously think I would find more humor in watching "Schindler's List". 

*note (to dumb rednecks) Schindler was not a Sheriff, and he didn't carry a "List" of people's asses he wanted to kick.

I've been fairly nice to this point so let me make myself perfectly clear...

I believe watching this film is reason to have your drivers license revoked, your guns confiscated, your phone disconnected, and your kids taken away.

If you found this trailer mildly entertaining in any way you may very well be suffering from "brain dead" disease. Symptoms include: Watching reruns of "Cops", beating your wife, finding your daughter attractive, and repeating anything you hear on Fox News.

Yes, brace yourself... It's a review for "Death Race". It's like a nascar prison film with hot chicks! It's a redneck's wet dream!!!...

Ya know, if I really wanted to sit with a bunch of drunken, stoned, sex-starved morons I would just go visit our House of Congress. 

READ THE ENTIRE REVIEW HERE